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Illegal Immigrants

Righty: Don’t get me wrong: I don’t want to see America overrun with hordes of unskilled immigrants who conveniently refuse to learn English. I’m not exactly keen on seeing them move into my neck of the woods and turning our downtown into a teeming barrio. But I’m realistic enough to recognize that the American economy needs all the able-bodied help it can get. Let’s be honest: we need uneducated, low-paid workers — and plenty of them — who are willing to perform the grunt-work that we overpampered Americans have grown too proud and soft to do for ourselves. Who else is going to pick our crops, stock Wal-Mart’s shelves, weed our lawns and scrub our toilets? First we need to make sure that all those illegals have a fair chance to become legal. Then we need to enact immigration laws that encourage hardworking people to enter this country and keep our economy booming.

Lefty: I’m loath to admit I agree with you on this one, Righty, but I do — for completely different reasons, naturally. America is a nation of immigrants, and we should stay true to our historic role as a welcoming beacon of opportunity and freedom from oppression. The inscription on our Statue of Liberty reads, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” How can we turn our backs on those huddled masses? We need to ensure that everyone who wants to start a new life in America has a right to live here. Anything else would amount to a betrayal of our national purpose. By what moral authority do we determine that some immigrants are “legal” (i.e., desirable) and others are “illegal” (i.e., undesirable)? It wouldn’t have anything to do with the color of their skin, would it?

The New Moderate:

I might be a little obtuse, but how is it that our friends on the right and left conveniently overlook the word “illegal” attached to the aforementioned immigrants? Illegal immigrants are, by definition, lawbreakers. They’ve entered the U.S. on the sly, find work on the sly, elude Uncle Sam at tax time but readily accept his generosity when they need a benefit or two. And their numbers just keep growing like some radioactive behemoth from a 1950s sci-fi flick.

That the illegals are predominantly Hispanic is almost irrelevant. The only Latino-specific issue that should concern us is the apparent reluctance of many Hispanic immigrants to learn English — along with our own feeble-minded attempts to support their Anglophobia by establishing Spanish as our unofficial second language. (See BILINGUALISM.) The New Moderate would be equally peeved if the illegals were Swedes or Hungarians who stole past the border guards and settled en masse in cities and towns across the republic, enjoying government benefits and straining our resources without contributing to the public till.

The recently proposed solutions to illegal immigration should strike any thinking moderate as outrageous and even nonsensical. Building a wall along sections of the Mexican border is a wasteful and ultimately absurd enterprise. Not only does it send a spiteful message to everyone south of the border, but it can only tempt the more resourceful outlaws to perform end-runs around our defenses.

The newly minted Bush-Kennedy gradual amnesty bill (when these two gentlemen collaborate, be very afraid!) must rank among the most shameless examples of governmental hornswoggling in American history. Formulated behind closed doors, the program essentially winks at the past transgressions of the illegals if they take a few cursory steps to legalize themselves over the next few years. (We have stiffer penalties for parking-ticket scofflaws.) The bill disguises itself as a moderate solution, yet it blatantly caters to special interests on the right and left. It serves Republicans who salivate over the prospect of low-wage workers flooding the land; it serves Democrats who covet the affections of all those brand-new Democratic voters; it totally ignores the will of the people. Our partisans ignore the will of the people at their own peril; Americans will ultimately rebel against a government that repeatedly snubs them. (Mr. Jefferson gave us permission, after all.)

So what do we propose as a moderate solution to the illegal immigration fiasco? It’s relatively simple: enforce the law. Nothing extreme about that. Impose penalties on illegal immigrants and those who shelter them. Deport all illegals with criminal records. Set term limits on “guest” workers the way we do for houseguests and congressmen. Make life considerably less inviting here for immigrants who sneak past the border guards.

Some would argue that we should sympathize with the plight of any people who want to make a better life for themselves in the U.S. We agree. Let them enter the country through legal channels, pick up a Social Security card, work and pay taxes like the rest of us. Then you can talk to us about sympathy.

Summary: Illegal immigrants flood the job market, depress wages, pay no income taxes and consume a disproportionate share of benefits. They’re harming our country, a fact our lawmakers conveniently ignore. Just as important, they’re lawbreakers and should be treated as such. The solution: simply enforce the law.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. June 25, 2009 3:53 pm

    The age-old pesky U.S.-Mexico border problem has taxed the resources of both countries, led to long lists of injustices, and appears to be heading only for worse troubles in the future. Guess what? The border problem can never be solved. Why? Because the border IS the problem! It’s time for a paradigm change.

    Never fear, a satisfying, comprehensive solution is within reach: the Megamerge Dissolution Solution. Simply dissolve the border along with the failed Mexican government, and megamerge the two countries under U.S. law, with mass free 2-way migration eventually equalizing the development and opportunities permanently, with justice and without racism, and without threatening U.S. sovereignty or basic principles.

    To learn more, Google “Megamerge Dissolution Solution”.

    • July 10, 2009 12:09 am

      I’m all for paradigm changes, but I can’t imagine dissolving the border without threatening either U.S. sovereignty, Mexican sovereignty, or both. I do agree that the border problem seems to have no solution. Maybe the U.S. will attract fewer illegal immigrants as it slides deeper into recession. I’ll have to do a little reading on “Megamerge Dissolution Solution,” though — thanks for the tip.

  2. Michelangelo Markus permalink
    September 22, 2009 5:56 pm

    I think I read something somewhere about a lot of traffic heading back into Mexico as of late. . .

    I think the main problem is the fact that the current laws are more geared towards individuals coming here illegally rather than businesses HIRING them illegally. What peeves me even more than people breaking the law to come here, is letting Americans break the law to bring/employ them here.

    I mean honestly, they come here for work. Like bees looking for honey and stumbling across an open honey jar. Instead of trying to track down all the bees why don’t we just put a lid on the @#$^ing honey?

  3. September 27, 2009 1:36 pm

    Good point! It would be a lot easier to regulate the employers than to track down every illegal immigrant who sneaks across the border. Of course, a lot of the illegals are self-employed as gardeners, housekeepers and so on. They’d still elude the system. But your suggestion is the right way to start attacking the problem.

  4. Taliesin Knol permalink
    January 9, 2010 4:18 am

    Where to begin? ILlegal = lawbreaker. Admittedly of our rather archaic immigration laws. We need a total overhaul of the system so it’s easier for qualified people to enter, rather than sneak in. However, most (who am I kiding? ALL) of the mexicans sneaking in are uneducated, and generally unskilled. They burden the American economy, (already burdened by Americans) and undercut American jobs. They are taking the easy way out, and trying a form of conquest (social conquest) instead of ficing their crappy country. Now they are trying to turn our country into the land they left? Madness! Stop sending them back 10 feet or so from the border, send them to Coloumbia, it’s a much cheaper form of punishment than prison, or repeated deportations. I hear Iraq lost a few million people recently, send them their to clean up the ULTIMATE American mess. Along with the employers that break the law by hiring them.

  5. Anonymous permalink
    September 7, 2011 1:20 pm

    I always thought that if Mexico and Central America were part of the US, it would be a lot easier to protect our water borders than it is to protect our land border with Mexico. Our borders would become the Atlantic, Pacific, and the Panama Canal. I friend of mine suggested we buy Mexico from the 6 or 7 families that own 70% of mexico, then offer a path to statehood for mexico. I say that before they become a state, they would have to meet certian requirements. They would have to make english their offical language, clean their water, upgrade their infrastructure, upgrade their education system, upgrade their health care system, and establish a new system of gov that is more in line with ours. They could have an improved constitution with the best of the 1st and even the 2nd bill of rights built into it. They can bring in consultants from the top ten list of best education systems and health care systems. 50 or 100 yrs from now, Mexico could be a great place to live. When finally come time to vote on statehood, if they vote for, they could make a good fit, if they vote against, they could make good neighbors. Either way, we wouldn’t have to worry as much about protecting our border with Mexico any more than we worry about Canada. Mexico is resource rich so there is no reason for it’s people to be poor. They can have democracy, jobs, a decent wages, education, heath care and quality of life. Don’t know much about the 7 central American countries resources, but they can be rolled into Mexico during the transition process. As for drug cartels….I think we should allow those cartels to transition into legal businesses. I don’t think marijuana is any worse that alcohol. It also has medical and industrial uses. If the cartels had a leagal business to protect it would be in their best interest to stop everything else they do, otherwise risk loosing that business. We can then tax marijuana rather than spen tax $ hand over fist to accomplish nothing much.

    All of the above I think would lead to a more stable Mexico and therefore a more secure America.

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